Shopping Cart


Your shopping bag is empty

Go to the shop
SlutBox's Goof-Proof Mercury Retrograde Survival Kit

SlutBox's Goof-Proof Mercury Retrograde Survival Kit

by: Sub Cat

If you haven't heard, we're in another Mercury Retrograde cycle, which basically means we're in the middle of an astrological dumpster fire of miscommunication, emotion, and stalled plans. There's a LOT of planetary movement happening this summer (seriously, what's going on?) so we put together a little survival kit for you babes to make it though retrograde season (or just through the week).

Pass The CBD

There's not much you can do to get through a retrograde besides put your big plans on pause (that means maybe put off signing any contracts or purchasing any overseas flights until after the retrograde has passed!). One of the best ways to hunker down? In a super soothing CBD bath, baby! The Love CBD Bath Bomb from the badass babes at Kush Queens (as seen in the June Box) is the perfect potion to get you through retrograde, and to put you in the mood for some sweet lovin'. (Bonus: CBD is non-psychoactive, meaning it won't get you high and it won't show up on any drug screenings so you can r-e-l-a-x.) While you're soaking up the #goodvibes, why not sip on some too? Brew up a mug of Golden Dream Hemp CBD Tea from The Brothers Apothecary (featured in our September Box). Formulated with bedtime in mind, this comforting belnd of chamomile, refreshing spearmint, bright orange peel and exotic lemongrass (plus natural relaxants like organic linden leaf and hawthorn berry) will settle your stomach and have you drifting off to dreamland.

Get In Touch

Did you know masturbation is scientifically proven to reduce stress, increase mental clarity, and improve sleep? Retrogrades can be stressful, anxiety-inducing times! You need all the brain power, REMs and relaxation you can get! So get busy, and don't forget to lube up. Trust me - even when you're rubbing one out solo, lube elevates the experience (and it's actually safer for your delicate skin!). Our pick? The Lelo Personal Moisturizer - another fave from the May Box.

Cool It

Stressed? Keep a calming bottle of Rose Hydrosol (like the one from ArtNaturals featured in the July Box) in your bag, so you can spritz your face throughout the day. It feels amazing, cools you down, and it's sooo good for your skin! Breathe in the calming cloud of rose mist, and forget your troubles - at least for a moment!

Try Some Crystal Healing

Whether you're on-board with the crystal bandwagon or you secretly think crystal healing might be total hogwash (but hey, at least the rocks are pretty), retrogrades are a perfect time to pick up some healing crystals! Crystals draw in positive energy and amplify the good vibes, and if there's ever a time to bask in the #goodvibes it's now! Our pick? Rose quartz crystal (like this one from Esoteric Life, featured in the August Box) which comes with its own Intention Card) draws in romance, love and healing vibes - plus its super pretty siting on your vanity or desk.

Seriously Y'all, Crystals!

Stay In

Let's be real. During a retrograde, chances are your plans will fall through, everyone will mix up dates on the group chat, or the restaurant you picked out will be closed. So why not stay in for a self-care night? The number one activity on my agenda for a night in is always face masks. The Rose & Pink Clay Face Mask from BeeCause is one of our favorites - featured in the June Box this mask is all-natural and totally cruelty-free, this gentle polishing mask clarifies skin and minimizes pores. Rhassoul and Pink Clays draws out impurities and absorbs excess sebum for the smoothest, clearest skin of your life.

Reset Your Style

Alarm clock didn't go off? Unscheduled sleepover? Crashed at a friend's pad? Retrogrades are infamous for mixing up plans. Don't sweat, babe. Ditch the hair hangover with a SlutBox fave - the Morning After Redefining Foam from Mixed Chicks featured in the May Box. Instead of rewashing your hair (especially when you're already running late!) just reset it and forget it.

Throw Some Glitter On It

When in doubt, throw some glitter on it. Greasy roots? Puffy underage bags? Skin breaking out? Just went through a bad breakup? Glitter is the answer. For a glitter that's safe for face and body, and sticks without a messy adhesive, look no further than Unicorn Snot Holographic Glitter Gel - in every color of the rainbow. Our Sluts each received a surprise color of Unicorn Snot in the July Box.

So, how did you make it through this latest round of retrogrades? Let us know in the comments!

You Might Also Like: